List

Don't have any ideas for a coherent post. So, I will resort to a list. Things I have loved in the past week:

1. MJ calling me "Super Highness" as she served me tea.

2. A casual dinner at home with close friends---which leads me to #3.

3. Lots of laughter

4. Getting new ferns and a new table for my screened in porch

5. Finding out that my awesome dog Sammy loves me so much that even when allowed to escape the fenced in back yard--she won't leave the front yard without me.

6. That even though N is on a trip that we "made" her go on, she is having a good attitude and is texting me at least 5 times a day.

7. That we have a new ipod that we have loaded up with good tunes like Motley Crue's "Girl Don't Go Away Mad (Girl Just Go Away)" Remember that one? and "Pancho and Lefty" by Willie Nelson. Quite the eclectic playlist.

8. That I started and finished a good book.

9. That I got up at 5:30 to take N to her trip and came home and spent some quiet time with God on the porch. It was cool outside and the sun was coming up. God whispered something to my heart.

10. I love that this week M is becoming more and more like her Dad. She has now acquired 3 of his quirky sleeping habits.

black cloud

We can't do technology. We just can't. It is weird. It is not just N--the teenager---it is all of us. And you know what? It is not just technology....it is anything mechanical that we own.

It all started with N's cell phone disasters, well no,, it started with her birthday present last year, the ipod touch. After a year of ownership, we have returned it for a new one, sent it to be fixed---and now it sits lifeless in a drawer.

Then, she got a cell phone---that was recalled. Then she got another one---that fell in a lake. Then I gave her my old one--which she stepped on--the very next day.

Meanwhile, we can't find our video recorder. I sat my prized camera down on the table at MJ's party. A table full of 4 year olds. It ended up on the floor-where it met its demise.

Our biggest tv, the one we gather around, quit working. Which required a very expensive new lamp. I tried to get a cheaper one online and realized I got one without the casing. So, I spent about 2 hours watching a video on how to put a new one in the casing......I'm thinking of going into tv repair.

To top it all off......At the lake last weekend G ran over the ski rope with our new jet ski. Which meant hours and hours of man power to get it going again.....

G woke up the next morning to a very dead car........

We are the Griswalds--no doubt about it.

Goin' All Out

I was packing up the goodie bags for MJ's party the other day. G sat down to chat and said, "How many of these things do you think we have packed?" As I was laughing at the "we" part he then said, "Remember? You used to go ALL OUT."



In an instant-I thought- what about these goodie bags does he think isn't "ALL OUT"



And then I started reflecting......



There was a day when my children would only go to birthday parties with some sort of smocked attire with balloons, birthday cake, or atleast a cupcake some where on it---lest they forget where we were going :)



There was a day when my children didn't leave for said birthday party (or anywhere for that matter) without a bow perfectly placed in their hair.



There was a day when I spent hours looking for the perfect birthday invitation in cute little paper boutiques. Or I hand made them. Yes, you heard that correctly--hand made them.



There was a day when their birthday cakes rivaled any wedding cake in decor and taste.



There was a day when the goodies bags took sweat and hours of labor to put together--and look just the right degree of cuteness.





Fast forward to MJ's birthday party---where I bought the invites at CVS. The party was held at a local bouncy house establishment. And we picked out the items for the goodie bags a day before the party. The girls showed up in outfits with no visible smocking and not a bow was to be seen.



What has happened? I could feel guilty. But I refuse. There are so many things to feel guilty about--I'm not choosing this one. Because.....



MJ carried around her CVS invite for days. SHE picked out what her friends were to take home in their goodie bags and loved doing it.



Concerning their attire.....I'm not one of those moms that think letting their kids go out looking like refugees does something for their self esteem or helps their individuality. There really is no theory behind it. Only that it keeps me in a good mood and them in a good mood. If I had to go upstairs 3 times and have a battle in the closet--I think I would lose it before we even got out the door. Now, I don't let them go out not matching--I mean come on---let's not get crazy. They come down stairs and say, "Can I wear this?" and I approve or don't. It's kind of like a fashion show.



I think the going all out thing ended when D had a birthday party to plan. I said where do you want your party? She said--at our house. What do you want to do? Her answer--play with my friends. Crazy mom said--No, I mean you have to do something--what do you want to do at your party? D said ...UM.....play with my friends?



Sometimes the going all out part was about me. And it made me no fun. When I went "all out" I also was STRESSED OUT. I had to give it up.

I think we all have to redefine what motherhood means to us--what works--and what doesn't. I have learned that I have to give some things up--hand them over---give myself a break. Sometimes I have to give up the appearance of perfection to have a good attitude and to be a nice, fun mom.

While I would love to "go all out" I'll put it to rest so that my nerves and my brain won't "go all out" :)

FOUR

MJ turned 4 yesterday. I can't believe it. I don't have a baby anymore. I have a big girl.

I love her poses when I snap pictures of her. She really seizes the moment. Not just a normal smile for her. She goes all out. Which figures, I can't count how many people have asked me,"Is she always smiling and happy?" So, when the camera comes around she doesn't give her normal smile--she gives the super charged smile.

The girl loves life. And she makes me love it. I love when she grabs me by the face, smushes in my cheeks, and makes sure I'm looking her straight in the eyes when she tells me something. I also love that she motions me over to her and then makes me bend down so she can whisper something in my ear.

I love that even though she may be the youngest of the family--she definately does not get pushed around. She holds her own. She sings and dances and loves with reckless abandon.

She maybe 4, but she will always be my baby.

Frontal Cortex

I joke with N all the time about her frontal cortex. Whenever she makes a decision that is less than cautious or decides to do something "off the wall", I tell her she made that decision because her frontal cortex is not finished developing. And until it develops, she needs to listen to me. I also say things like, "Ohhh-- I can't wait until your frontal cortex grows up."

It has been explained to me several times that teenage behavior can be explained scientifically. I just can't ever remember all the details--so I just call it the frontal cortex. However, in the book I have already referenced Raising Teens with Love and Logic, they explain it perfectly. I won't bore you with all of it, but this is a good way of summing it up--

Actually, it's the physical changes in the brain that account for most adolescent behavior. Cortical changes in neurons lead to the apparently crazy behavior on skateboards and other reckless acts. It's those brain changes that can lead the compliant to become defiant, the modest to become revealing......The hypothalamus, which deals with impulses, is being impacted by very provocative hormones........

This is really not a post about N's need of a frontal cortex----it is a post about my obvious OVERDEVELOPED frontal cortex. I have realized that my frontal cortex is very mature. I came to this realization by the purchase of the jet ski.

When I was a teenager I had a friend who owned a jet ski. We would travel to a lake just over the state line for hours and miles of rip roaring watercraft madness. Did I ever thank him for all the GAS he purchased for these fun outings? Or even offer him a couple of bucks? No, probably not. Why? No frontal cortex. I know I had some extra money because lifeguards make the big bucks, and it only cost me 5 dollars worth of gas in my Honda Civic to cruise around town for a week.

Looking back, I can't believe that we survived all those trips to the lake. I would purposely try and throw my friends off of the back of this MOVING--MOTORIZED---WATERCRAFT. What was I thinking? (no frontal cortex) Not to mention that I was on the back of this thing as my friend went over a ski ramp. Yes, a ski ramp. We were airborne. Flying. What was wrong with me? (no frontal cortex)

Fast forward to maturity and motherhood and I find myself on the back of a jet ski with my very loving and responsible husband--whose sole purpose is to keep me safe and happy. And what do I feel? Sheer terror. I am afraid. I am afraid for him. I am afraid for me. I am afraid of what may happen when my kids get on it. I am even afraid for the jet ski. I am afraid we will hit a rock. That we will go over the dam. That a snake may jump up and bite us. What happened to that teenage girl in the string bikini? (overdeveloped frontal cortex)

While riding on the jet ski as a mature adult, I realized that it is not only the frontal cortex that has changed since those teenage years. I was trying to conquer my fear by going on the jet ski alone--figuring that if only my life was in danger I might be able to calm down. As I was getting up the nerve to really start to fly--I noticed something whipping in the wind. It was not my frontal cortex--it was the flab of my arms. So I realized while I have found my frontal cortex---I lost a few things from those carefree jet skiing days. Such as---firm breasts, firm muscles, smooth cellulite free skin. So I pose a question---is a frontal cortex really worth it?

Teenageness

I have been wondering if the few people that read this blog wonder why I don't say much specifically about N. Well, she is 15 and she knows I have this blog. I have to be very careful about what I post because in her words we can sometimes be "weirdos" and "awkward". Which I believe to be her terms of endearment.

I do want to chronicle her life specifically. However, I want to honor her privacy. And quite frankly all the things that I would post about her lately are coming of age things that I don't think she would appreciate being on the internet for all to see.

Our relationship is really growing and becoming something that is fun and unique. It is not at all what I thought it would be like. I learned something pretty quickly in parenting a teen, and I would like to pass it on to Janet Jackson............You are not in control. Miss Jackson--- it doesn't matter that "Now your all grown up".

If you have a teenager or if you have a child that will one day be a teenager, reading the book Parenting Teens with Love and Logic might be worth your while. It has been eye opening and enlightening. I am also reading Love and Logic for the younger years. I rarely agree with EVERYTHING in a parenting book, and this is no exception. However, I like the concepts.

The teen version is all about the teens owning their own problems. We had to learn that while raising younger children we feel we have a certain amount of control. If we say--"You WILL look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you." ---they believe it! With teens, the reality is, we can't MAKE them look us in the eyes. Short of plucking their eyes out and sitting them on the counter. And they know it. So, instead of acting like we have total control (which is futile), we let them own their own "stuff". Scary isn't it? Listen to this excerpt---it might make you cringe---and if you don't yet have a teenager you will say, "Oh, that's just georgiamom, she can't control her teenager, but I can control mine.....uh huh.....oh yes I will.....you just wait and see. They will do everything I have taught them."

Teens may try to meet their needs through foolish or even dangerous actions. As a result, parents feel threatened. We feel as if we're doing a bad job. We feel guilty. We're failing----we'd better tighten control. We worry some more.

What do our teens feel when we clamp down on their actions? A stronger desire to show us how important those needs are. So they act out to communicate to us, "you will not control me. I will get my way." The teenager also feels a loss of love:"My needs are not being met, and Mom and Dad are doing everything they can to control me."

Then we feel a loss of control, and we too feel a loss of love. The relationship starts to go downhill. It's a deteriorating cycle.

Here's the kicker------------

What should you do when your teen is acting out? Relax. Listen and learn. Don't worry. We often dig a grave that's pretty hard to get out of during these teenage years.

Relax. Relax.........seriously? I had the complete opposite theory. When they do something stupid---you lecture----and then lecture----and then say, "In THIS family we don't think like that (act like that, do that, etc)" or this is an oldie but a goodie "Is this how much we mean to you---how could you do that to us" or this will bring back memories "You are a reflection of us."

Talk about control...it takes some control to step back. Step back and listen. How can we get through this without screaming and ruining our relationship. How can a lesson be learned and leave us both with our dignity? I am practicing. It is hard work. Another excerpt from the book that I particularly like is........

a lot of people spend a lot of time worrying about what could go wrong. Remember, worry is the price you pay in advance for most of the things in life that never happen.

You only have so much time with your children, and you have two basic ways of looking at it. You can choose to spend that time thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Yup, plenty of opportunity there. Or you can put that energy into thinking about how you can build a more positive relationship with your children. It's up to you.

Don't let me lose you.....this next part is good.....hang in there.......

Many parents over analyze their parenting until they're afraid to open their mouths because they might say the wrong thing to their teens. And sure, they often do say the wrong thing. So what? That's not going to hurt the teenagers. That can get repaired along the way. It's a whole lot better to communicate something than to clam up because you're afraid it's going to come out wrong. Relax. Don't let worry make you tongue-tied

It is a new concept for me-----relax. I am determined to not fear these teenage years---because I have 3 more of these phases to live through. I am determined to find a way to enjoy them!!! I'll keep you posted!!! literally.

thus ends the 2nd longest post ever--what has gotten into me?

Devotion

We had a wonderful 2 weeks at the beach--of which Joni chronicled the second week to sheer perfection. I hate to come right out of the shoot and talk about the down part of summer, but I did a Bible study yesterday that spoke to me so strongly I just had to blog about it.



I have to admit, even though two weeks at the beach and almost 4 weeks of no school schedules is great, I AM FRAZZLED. I have answered the questions, "Mo-om, can I have......" or "Mo-om, will you....." or "Mo-om, can I do ......" or "Mo-om, can we go....." or "Mo-om, do we have to....." until I feel like my head is going to spin right off of my body.



I was having a very elaborate pity party for myself the other morning that went something like...."I can't believe that no one helps me around here. No one even picks up after themselves. And I try so hard to make each of them feel special....." You get the picture. I was really camping out on the hard knock life of stay at home motherhood and all its non-glamour. The grunt work-----that is what I do. The stuff no one wants to do. First one up--last one to sleep---(well, not always:) When God, in His sweetness, revealed something to me through a Max Lucado study. Here is your warning--I am paraphrasing him---and I will not do him justice.



He retold the story of the two Marys going to the tomb on Easter morning. They were headed to the tomb, not to see if it was empty, but to clean a body---wipe the blood----wrap a mutilated corpse.



They are there. The last to leave Calvary and the first to arrive at the grave.



I always need a good Bible teacher to remind me to really try and put myself in the shoes of the people in the Bible. Sometimes I find myself thinking of them as two dimensional--static---Sunday school cartoons. Instead of living, breathing people that did not have the New Testament to read. These women had put all their hope in Jesus and it appeared He had failed. If I were them, would I have even made that journey to the tomb? Would I have been too angry at Him for disappointing me to remember my devotion to Him?



Mary and Mary have come to place warm oils on a cold body and bid farewell to the one man who gave reason to their hopes. But it isn't hope that leads the women up the mountain to the tomb. It is duty. Naked Devotion. They expect nothing in return. What could Jesus give? What could a dead man offer? The two women are not climbing the mountain to receive; they are going to the tomb to give. Period.



There is no motivation more noble.



Ooohhhh. That sentence REALLY got me. They could have slept in. They could have left the work undone---I mean who would have really cared? It seems this man was just that---a man.

And what did they receive for their devotion to a man they loved? What did they receive for doing their duty?

They thought their journey was unnoticed. They were wrong. God knew. He was watching them walk up the mountain. He was measuring their steps. He was smiling at their hearts and thrilled at their devotion. And he had a surprise waiting for them.

They felt the earthquake, saw an angel and watched the stone being rolled away. This is the part where Max Lucado really had me intrigued....

Why did the angel move the stone? For whom did he roll away the rock?
For Jesus? That's what I always thought. I just assumed that the angel moved the stone so Jesus could come out. But think about it. Did the stone have to be removed in order for Jesus to exit? Did God have to have help? Was the death conqueror so weak that he couldn't push away a rock? (Hey, could somebody out there move this rock so I can get out?")

Jesus was already out of the tomb. So, who was the stone rolled away for? The two Marys. A gift from God for their naked devotion. They were the first to see the empty tomb. Not only that, the angel then tells them to go tell everyone else!! How awesome would that be???? What if I was the first to tell people---He is Risen!!! God saves this precious gift for the faithful women. Just doing their duty. And as if that wasn't enough------you remember what happens next------you got it-------Jesus appears to them!!!!!!!!! He pours on the surprises for these two faithful followers.

The story of the two Marys made me really reflect on my summer doldrums. Yes, I am doing my duty, but with the duty comes reward. With faithfulness comes delight. Yes, I have to prepare the plates at lunch and then clean the plates after---but I get to hear the chatter and I was there for every new prayer. Yes, I have to answer all the monotonous questions---but I will be there when the important ones roll around too.

This story made me think in general of the role I have as a woman. We cook the meals when someone needs comfort. We sit for hours on the phone or in person listening to others hardships. We do our duty. We keep each other's kids, run errands for each other---pull each others loads. We listen with heartbreak as our friends struggle with illnesses, infertility, problems with their spouses. Men don't do this. Have you noticed? I never hear G on the phone with another man listening intently to their problems. And while they don't bother with all that "girl" stuff-----man do they miss it.

Because we get to hear the news when the much prayed for baby has been created. When there is good news from the doctor. When a marriage has been healed. We get to see the Master at work. Doing our duty as women, we get to experience the whole journey. With the grunt work--comes real life-----the good stuff.

I pray I don't take the fruit of "naked devotion" for granted. Instead of dreading my duties, I want to look forward to the time when my devotion allows me to run ahead--shouting the good news to everyone.

Thus ends my LONGEST post ever.

Don't Tell Him I Told You

He is shy. He doesn't like the spotlight. So, don't tell him I told you....that he is the best father ever. Or that my kids couldn't have a better person to model their life after. Or that all they want to do is show him things, talk to him, play games with him and make him proud.

Don't tell him I told you how he bought his first "toy" so he could make memories with his family. Or how he rode relentlessly up and down the lake for hours pulling his daughters and everyone else on the lake just so we would have a good time.

Don't tell him I told you how he models Christ to all of us every single day. That he comes home from a hard day at work to have dinner with us and never complains or is in a bad mood. Don't tell him that I told you how he puts us first and would rather be with us than anywhere else in the world---even when it is hard.

Don't tell him how he makes me a better mother because he is such a great dad---how he makes me a better mother because he supports me, encourages me and loves me. Or how I would never make it through the day if I couldn't count on him to make me laugh at the wild and crazy life that we have made together.

He always points his daughters to their Heavenly Father, but they are blessed to have him as an earthly example of what a husband and father should be. But he would be embarrassed that I am giving him any attention at all.....so......shhhhhh.........don't tell him!!!

GONE

I'm off for two weeks to enjoy the beach!! First, we will be with G's family. Then we will meet two good friends and their kiddies for another week full of surf and sun!! What a blessing! Because I am not Pioneer Woman (have ya'll been reading her posts from NYC? Too funny) I have no way to blog while on vacation. So long!!!!!

Speed Reading

It is summer, and I should be reading some fluffy, beach book about old sorority sisters or high school sweethearts. Instead, I am speed reading two parenting books. For the first time my kids are arguing and tattling on each other-----it is driving me crazy. I told G there was NO WAY I could listen to it all summer. I was about to pull my hair out, and it was the second day of summer break! So, before we embark on a 6 hour vacation drive, I have to get this situation resolved!! After I figure it out--I will blog again :))